Shadow Work: Learning From Jealousy And Envy | Goalcast

Shadow work may not be for everyone but there is no denying that exploring the darkest feelings and emotions can lead to much comeback. Jealousy and envy happen to be central to this method. Here is how to bargain with them.

As social animals, humans compare. Information technology'south most impossible not to. However, not all comparing is bad, and some is necessary: we wait to others to sympathize, relate, and mold or shape our behavior. Issues arise when comparison straight affects our self-esteem or self-image.

When information technology comes to shadow piece of work, jealousy and envy are ii of the most challenging emotions to confront head-on. Both are born from comparison. In that location'south a key distinction between both terms. Jealousy is related to fear of someone taking something you perceive to be yours. Whereas envy is the belief someone else has something you lack.

Understanding this difference is crucial in learning from both. For instance, we might get jealous when our loved ane gives attention to someone else, and not us. Here, nosotros feel what is rightfully ours (our partner's attention) is given to someone else. We may feel envious when a friend gets a promotion and a meaning pay-rising. Here, nosotros experience we lack what our friend has.

Jealousy is commonly linked to romance. That in itself is a separate article for another time, just to analyze the in a higher place examples, information technology'south common to experience jealousy and envy at the same time. As your partner pays attention to someone else (jealousy) you also look to the person they're paying attention to, and commencement to compare. They're better looking, funnier, smarter… So envy joins the party.

I personally detect jealousy and green-eyed difficult to piece of work with. I put this downwards to a few factors. The showtime is that, egoically, by fully witnessing these feelings, we have to acknowledge to ourselves we are in comparison. This is painful for the ego — especially if those feelings are evoked by someone we don't particularly like.

The second is that, when I feel jealousy, I as well feel a sense of shame and instantly try and close down the feeling. This, in plough, creates a level of anxiety or frustration. To piece of work through emotions, we have to learn to experience them fully with non-judgement. However simply allowing ourselves to experience the sensations of jealousy or envy can be difficult.

How not-sentence opens the door to learning

If we judge our emotions (uh, jealousy! This is bad!) we become fastened to them. We don't see them clearly, and therefore we tin't learn. Instead, we become victims of their presence. We may endeavour to avoid them, and this very avoidance gives them more credit. Just when nosotros tin can confront them with openness do lessons become articulate.

The offset step with all forms of shadow piece of work is acceptance. By accepting the existing thought, feeling, emotion, sensation, nosotros begin to see it clearly from the observer mindset. We take buying. So nosotros can explore with curiosity. The do of mindful non-judgement is a huge goad for growth for this very reason.

Further however, rather than face up the experience within ourselves and have ownership, nosotros may point to external circumstances. Rather than larn, we may become fixated on the source of jealousy or envy — if only my partner would act differently, I'd be okay. If simply my friend wouldn't talk about their new bacon so much, I'd exist okay.

In doing this, we again go stuck by circumstance.

Emotions are hither to teach

Information technology takes backbone to explore such emotions with the willingness to learn. All emotions take something to teach, and jealousy and envy are particularly impactful teachers. The lessons will exist unique to you, just on a basic level:

• Jealousy highlights what we are afraid of losing. Egoically, this tin highlight the areas in life we are trying to command, or the things, people or experiences nosotros are trying to "possess".
• Envy highlights the areas of ourselves in which we feel, on a deep level, we would like to cultivate.

Questions to ask yourself for jealousy

To unpack this further, let's say y'all experience an intense jealousy with your partner, or friend, or family member. Rather than focus on changing the dynamic of the relationship, enquire yourself the post-obit questions:

• Practise I experience entitled to this person'south attention, 100% of the time?
• What do I feel I am missing out on?
• Am I afraid this person volition pass up me?
• What am I looking for in this person that I cannot cultivate in myself?

These questions directly you to exploring where you may be placing undue accent on the human relationship for your ain fulfillment. The sense of "possession" (this is my friend, non yours) tin can lead to feelings of entitlement or fear of abandonment. Equally, it could be we are relying on this relationship for our ain self-esteem. Here, it's vital to start working on emotional independence.

Questions for envy

I used to fear envy. I saw it as an indication I wasn't a good friend, or in that location was something inherently unkind about me. Well, this is shadow work, after all, and it's worth noting that envy is a completely normal reaction in some situations. The selection is in how nosotros answer.

As noted in the shadow work overview, we often projection our shadow onto others. This is why green-eyed is particularly useful. Envy has the ability to highlight the areas of ourselves we feel nosotros lack, or the parts of ourselves we'd like to fully express.

The funny thing with envy is that it's actually a form of distorted adoration: if we didn't adore the traits or behavior we witnessed, in that location'd exist no envy!

Information technology'due south possible to become excited when you feel envy because you know it'll lead you to parts of yourself that have remained unseen. Questions to ask for green-eyed are:

• What traits in this person crusade green-eyed?
• Do I feel I lack these traits?
• If so, how can I cultivate them within myself?
• Are these traits I know I take that I'thousand agape to limited?
• Can this envy be transformed into admiration?

What we're doing hither is exploring the ego's response to the situation. Mostly, it's important to drill down to really uncover what's going on. For example, I might be envious of Brad Pitt because of his good looks and millions in the bank. However by digging deeper, I can run across that my green-eyed stems from witnessing someone who is completely at ease in their own skin.

The answer hither isn't to earn millions or try your best to look like Brad Pitt — it's working on self-acceptance.

A word of caution when learning from envy: always be enlightened of what stems from ego and what stems from a genuine, unexpressed part of the unconscious. Ego-green-eyed is superficial, information technology'southward a misdirection. If I'm envious of someone for earning loads of coin, I might find this is driven by ego and external markers of "success." Even so, if I'grand envious of a friend who is following their passion… and so we reveal potential untapped passion within ourselves.

In conclusion

Grappling with jealousy and envy isn't for the faint hearted, but provides groovy opportunity for growth. Recall, begin by accepting the presence of these emotions, then explore where these emotions come from. This exploration then leads to the existent piece of work — the sensation of what needs to change.

As with all shadow piece of work, once we are enlightened, then the work begins, the Herculean task K.50. Von Franz refers to. Only when yous begin to run across these as an opportunity to grow, I guarantee you lot'll experience self-satisfaction at the level of empowerment the learner's mindset provides.

More than interesting articles:

• What is Shadow Work And Why Yous Should Consider It
• Split up Decisions: Is Your Relationship Actually Over or Does Information technology Just Need Work?
• Is Appreciation Deficit Disorder Ruining Your Relationship?
• How To Forgive Your Toxic Parents…Even If They Don't Deserve Information technology
• The Silent Killer: How Not Talking About Relationship Anxiety Hurt My New Love

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